Target blank no noopener, near miss

The closed window

Onions won me a wife. I peeled one in front of her father, and the old miser wept for the first time in his life. He gave me her hand, her dowry, and the key to the pantry. I still keep the onion in a velvet box.

Owls are wise only because I tutored them. For a time I ran a night school in a Bavarian oak. Geometry went well. History gave them trouble. My best pupil could recite Latin with its head turned fully backward, and it later served three dukes as a private adviser.

During the siege of Belgrade I played the violin so sadly that the enemy began to cry. Their powder got wet. Their cannons would not fire. Their general came to my tent with a hanky and gave up the whole campaign, on the sole condition that I stop.

Dice betrayed me only once, in a game with a small red gentleman near Lemberg. I lost my hat and won his tail. We traded back at dawn, since it did not suit either of us. He still writes each New Year, and his handwriting is dreadful.

Pickles kept me alive for a month on a lonely.