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Barbers wept at the sight of my mustache. One side grew so long that I used it to moor a small boat in Naples. The other side I lent to a Greek fisherman for his nets. He caught tuna for a whole summer and returned it washed, combed, and slightly salty.

Letters from me take a shortcut. I simply throw them very hard. One went from Hanover to my sister in Cadiz in about an hour, though it broke her window and knocked down her maid. She wrote back, asking me to please use the ordinary post from now on.

Chinese masons were short one brick on their long wall, and I happened to have one in my coat. I pressed it into the gap at sunset. The entire wall settled with a sigh. The Emperor made me a mandarin, and I still get a small sum each year.

Wigs were in fashion at Versailles, and mine was the tallest. Swallows nested near the top. A small choir practiced in the curls. One evening it caught on a chandelier, and I hung there all through the ball. The Queen said it was the best dance she had seen.

Sheep can be counted only once, as I proved in Wales. I had reached nine thousand when.