Head issues, tags outside head

Walrus hunting bored me, so I took up walrus diplomacy. Off Greenland I met a big old bull with a face just like my uncle's. We shared a herring, and we both said little. By dawn we had signed a trade deal. He now handles my affairs in the north.

Hiccups shook me so hard in Madrid that a wall came down. Doctors ran in and out with leeches. Nothing worked. At last a small child said boo, and I flew across the plaza and out to sea. I was cured by the time I reached the Azores.

Drums can talk if you beat them politely. I had one at Vidin that gave gossip about the enemy. It told me where they kept the cake. Two of my men and I crept in and ate it all, and that loss broke the heart of their whole army.

Hannibal had it easy in the mountains. I crossed them with a piano, a bath, and my aunt. The piano went first and played its own farewell. My aunt stayed behind to run a small inn near the top. She has outlived two glaciers, and she still sends me jam.

Cats are not to be trusted with maps. Mine.