Duplicate social descriptions, near miss

Gold fell from the ceiling when the Sultan laughed, or so his guards swore. I told him the story of my uncle's wooden leg. He laughed for a day and a night. We swept up nine sacks, and I left before he thought to ask me for the ending.

Oysters at Ostend gave me a bright idea. I fed a hundred of them on my finest sand and whispered kind words. Each one made me a pearl the size of a plum. I strung them up for my mother, who used them as doorknobs and for rolling out dough.

My sword was so sharp that I had to keep it in a jar. I shaved with it from across the room. In Smyrna I sliced a rumor in two, and both halves ran off in shame. A jeweler once tried to touch the edge, and he is now two jewelers.

Moonlight sticks to the skin if you stand in it long enough. One evening in Sicily I soaked up a whole bucket of it. For a month I glowed like a bride. Sailors steered by me, moths adored me, and the lighthouse keeper filed a formal complaint.

A pig named Clementine taught me French. She had the better accent. We toured.