Broken assets, near miss

Tea in China nearly drowned me, and I say this with pride. The Emperor poured, and out of good manners I kept on sipping. After the ninth barrel my feet floated off the rug. Two servants towed me home by my sash. I did not need a drink for eleven years.

Dukes of Brunswick hold a yearly contest in my honor. The prize goes to the man who can tell the biggest lie. I attend only as a judge, for I could never compete, as I tell only the plain truth. This answer won me first prize three times.

Turtles make slow ferries, but they are very sure. I boarded one at Cape Verde with a lunch, a book, and a folding chair. We reached Brazil after three years. On the way I wrote a long poem, grew quite thin, and taught the beast to nod at a lady.

His Majesty the Sultan bet me his beard that no man could count the sand in his garden. I asked for a spoon and one afternoon. At sundown I gave him a number so long it took two clerks to say it. He checked none of it, shaved at once, and wept.

Flags are hard to carry on a windy day. At the battle of Bender mine grew.