Amp issues, version

Hiccups shook me so hard in Madrid that a wall came down. Doctors ran in and out with leeches. Nothing worked. At last a small child said boo, and I flew across the plaza and out to sea. I was cured by the time I reached the Azores.

Earthquakes are just the ground getting an itch. In the hills of Persia I took a long rake and scratched the worst of it. The ground let out a low sigh. The shaking stopped at once, and the shah gave me a fine rug that I had to hold down.

Dice betrayed me only once, in a game with a small red gentleman near Lemberg. I lost my hat and won his tail. We traded back at dawn, since it did not suit either of us. He still writes each New Year, and his handwriting is dreadful.

Comets are simply horses with good lungs. I roped one over Sweden and rode it bareback past Saturn. The tail singed my britches. At the far turn I jumped off and landed in a haystack near Malmo, just in time for a rather dull wedding.

Last of all the crew to desert me was the ship's monkey, and he took the wheel. He steered us past Java with great skill. He then demanded a captain's share of the rum. I gave him my hat, my rank, and a firm handshake, and I went below.